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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Spousal Sabotage

More often then not I like to do blog posts about inspiration and positive stuff.

Today is going to be a little bit of a downer.

I think that it is important. It is important to know why some people struggle with weigh loss and with fitness and self improvement. It is important to know what some people have issues that others do not have.

Today we are going to talk about what I call "spousal sabotage".

We get married because we fall in love with someone. We get married to someone because they have or share qualities that we possess or want to possess. We get married for these general reasons. It's different for all of us but the fact remains that we get married.

The challenge is that it's not just about you or about me. It's about TWO PEOPLE who have to share feelings, a bed and a checking account.

It can get complicated.

I want to talk about the health of you and your partner.

When we get together generally we are going to be similar. Of course some people may like to work out more than others. Some people may be a little more fit but generally you aren't going to see a mobility obese person with a bean pole. True?

OK, stay with me.

As you grow together those similarities are going to more exaggerated. You see, you and your spouse are going to pretty much eat the same food and live your lives together. The unhealthy will get more unhealthy and the fit will stay fit together.

I know I am generalizing but I think it is pretty much the truth. We seek out people that seek us out. More often then not the more healthy people will gravitate towards each other and the same is true for the unhealthy. We tend to stay that way over the years.

This is where the challenge takes place. I am going to assume that two people are together because they share similar health values.

What happens then both are over weight and not very active yet one person catches the vision of being healthy and the other does not?

This is when you see spousal sabotage.

Let's look at a couple named Cathy and Bob. (A real example but I changed the names to protect the guilty)

Cathy and Bob are over weight. They aren't very active and the lead an unhealthy lifestyle. They join the local gym because, is a moment of weakness, they decide that their 4 year old twins need healthier parents.

Cathy catches the vision.

Cathy signs up for boot camp classes and frankly doesn't care that she is 50 lbs heavier then everyone in the class. She want to be a good mom for her kids. She wants to be healthy and active for her twin boys.

Bob goes once, get sore and decides that his excuses are more important than his boys and stops going. He gives his blessing to Cathy and she soldiers on.

The weeks and months go by and Cathy starts seeing some results.

She is happy and loving the changes in her body.

Bob starts bringing home pizza. "You were at the gym so I picked up pizza for us and the boys. I got your favorite."

Little comments are made, "You are going to the gym again. We miss you!"

Then one day Cathy misses 6am workout class. "We missed you yesterday Cathy! Where we you?"

"Bob shut my alarm off."


Then finances some into play. "Why are you spending so much for a personal trainer....?"

Now instead of being inspired and motivated Cathy is stressed. Cathy stops getting good results. She gets sore and hurt. Some weight comes back on. To make Bob happy she stops going 4 days per week and drops to 2 days.

Eventually it's just not worth it and Cathy quits.

You think that I make this stuff up? This is a 100% true story.

Here is the deal.

Making changes is very hard. It's REALLY hard to flip that switch and get super uncomfortable. It's even harder to have two people do the same thing at the same time.

The lagging spouse probably doesn't even know that he or she  are sabotaging his or her loved one. That is the sad part! "I thought you needed some rest so I shut your alarm off..."

Bull shit.

You shut the alarm off because you are feeling left out and ashamed that you aren't making changes and becoming more for your kids. You are being selfish really. 

The sabotaging spouse may not see it that way but it is the truth.

So, my message to you today. Don't be the sabotaging spouse. Don't "support" your spouse. Get off your ass and join her and grow with her. In the long run no change can happen long term if your spouse is going to sabotage you. Sadly.

You think this doesn't happen? My gosh. It's happens more than you can possibly imaging.

Do this health and fitness thing together. Health sabotage will never lead to something good. Never.

Are you looking for something that you and your spouse can do together?

How about out 24 Day Challenge program. This supplement bundle from Advocare has changed SO MANY lives. Check out some of these couples who have made the decision TOGETHER to change their lives. See what teamwork can do?

If you want to learn more about the 24 Day Challenge watch this short video then get with your favorite Advocare distributor and have them help you to get started. If you have NEVER used products before the Teresa and I will be glad to help you out! :

Thank you for reading. Did you find today's post valuable? If so then pay it forward and like, comment and share. We always appreciate that. You also just never know who out there needs help. You could help change a life. Will you please share? 

To your success! 
Rick Copley, Your Best Fitness Coach 
"Empowering YOU to be a champion


  1. so many people can relate to it. I think it's a lot more than we all think. Thanks for reading. Please share with people you know. You might help someone! THANKS!